so today i found out that one of my friends has been looking sad lately because her 14 year old brother tried to commit suicide the other day and has been in hospital for the last few days.

i'm still in shock. i feel so sorry for Vicky and her family. this is not something i would wish on anyone...

so that kind of brought up old shiz about jenni and i...she was a year older and tried to commit suicide a number of times...anyway, yeah...i was just walking round the art block in a compelete daze after this information..

it's horrible

so that would explain my last post...

and then as i was going to dancing my piano teacher walked up my drive and nicely told me that i've failed my grade 6 piano exam for the second time...

i may as well just write failure on my head...so i took a picture to prove it...i have two pieces if paper now from the same grade exam saying that i'm a failure, which is funny because it's one for each hand...and when i was learning to walk i couldn't balance myself unless i had something in each hand...i guess this is to balance me out too...

ok so today i did crap eating-wise after saying that i'd water fast:

*100ml oat milk (35)
*3 pieces of bourneville (110)
*soup and beans (100)
* cream egg (174)
*bread(100)

Shameful total = 419

hmmm...not as bad as i'd thought but terrible nonetheless...good job i went swimming and my dance class and did my sit-ups

well yeah...

tomorrow will not be having anything...

hopefully

haha...all laugh with me now...you really must when you read my awful spellings and punctuations!

i apologise...we have bad lighting in our house and well, i don't really watch what i'm typing...my fingers just dance across the keyboard and letters are printed out...

i'm actually fairly smart...i've always had good grades...i'm just no good on computers and well, i'm dyselxic so who can blame me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"STAND outside any psychiatric ward and you will find the markers of madness. They lie in no particular order, and convey no messgae, except a kind of covering up. Fag ends for forgetting. Maybe the drugs dispensed inside spur nicotine craving or maybe cigarettes are the only solace when society turns away. Whatever, butts are the carpet the mentally ill stan upon. They build up in unlovely piles with a smell that suggests dispair..."








I think i've relapsed AGAIN. A-FUCKING-GAIN.

When will I learn?

... it has to be said...i think i've found the BEST marshmallows ever...they're from wilikinsons and are only 3 cals each! chuffed to bits! and they're shaped as snowmen and christmas trees which doesn't ineteres me at all seen as i HATE christmas but they add a little extra fun to eating them.

ok so now i'm worried, i'm meant to have my driving lesson at 8:30...it's now 09:10 and my instructor still isn't here. i've tried ringing her, texting her...nothing. i'm worried because i have my test tomorrow and really need my 2 hour lesson before hand. oh she's making me really nervous now...her phone is switched off!

don't panic. this will not happen tomorrow.

today has to go ok in everything. it will. it will.

it has too.

ok if anyone does read my last post and gets a little confused...i'm not insane...well maybe a little... i was just having arguments with myself inside my head and wrote down bits of them...

i do that...argue with myself...just thought i'd explain the randomness of the entry thats all...